WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting
at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on
the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter
is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend
is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her
husband is on the back of the milk carton.
________________________________
WOMEN'S
REVENGE
'Cash, check
or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
'So, do you
always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she
replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured
this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
________________________________
UNDERSTANDING
WOMEN
(A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm
not going to understand women.
I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto
your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be
afraid of a spider.
This one is priceless.... Wrong email address!
A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!
A
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel
where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
their travel schedules. So, the husband left
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address,
and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in
returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister
who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from
relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she
screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2007
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here
now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just
arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been
prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
MY FIVE NEW BOYFRIENDS!!!
I am seeing 5 gentlemen every day.
As soon as I wake up,
Will Power helps me get out of bed
Then I go to see
John .
Then Charlie Horse comes along,
& when he is here, he takes a lot of my time & attention.
When he leaves,
Arthur Ritis
shows up & stays the rest of the day.
He doesn't like to stay in one place very long,
so he takes me from joint to joint
After such a busy day, I'm really tired & glad
to go to bed With Ben Gay.
What a life!
Oh, yes, I'm also flirting with
Al Zymer
and thinking of calling JACK DANIELS or
JOHNNY WALKER to come and keep me company.
now remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper ...the closer it gets to the
end, the faster it goes...
so have fun, think 'good thoughts' only,
learn to laugh at yourself, and
'Count your blessings!!!!!!!
Two young boys walked
into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded
to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for
him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these
you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do
either one.